Sometime in the future, two inmates in a prison’s exercise yard are conversing surreptitiously. At an adjacent, sunnier corner of the yard, a drowsy, armed guard leans against a wall.
88267: What are you in for?
103552: Coke: possession with intent.
88267: Ah, they’ve really cracked down on that, I hear.
103552: Yeah, though it’s easier to get the stuff in here than outside now.
88267: How much?
103552: Ten bucks a can, or fifteen a bottle, for the sweet, calorific tooth-rotter—
88267: No, how much time you get?
103552: Five years. First offence, y’know.
88267: Five years for selling Coca Cola! How much, I wonder, would you get for selling burgers?
103552: Lethal injection. I had a friend who was caught selling happy meals, and he’s on death row as we speak. What are you in for?
88267: Pædophobia. Twenty years.
103552: What the? You’re a child-molester!
88267: No, pædophobia: the word, you’d think, would mean “an irrational dread of children”, but it’s used to mean “hater of pædophiles”.
103552: Wow! Did you kill one, then?
88267: No, I wrote on my website that I didn’t think old adults should be allowed to marry young minors.
103552: No wonder you’re in the protected section of the prison—
Guard: Oy, you, Peddo. Time’s up. Stop talking to normal prisoners, and get your bigoted arse back in your cell.
88267: Ah, well, at least the heroin supplied by the canteen is good and cheap…
103552: Coke: possession with intent.
88267: Ah, they’ve really cracked down on that, I hear.
103552: Yeah, though it’s easier to get the stuff in here than outside now.
88267: How much?
103552: Ten bucks a can, or fifteen a bottle, for the sweet, calorific tooth-rotter—
88267: No, how much time you get?
103552: Five years. First offence, y’know.
88267: Five years for selling Coca Cola! How much, I wonder, would you get for selling burgers?
103552: Lethal injection. I had a friend who was caught selling happy meals, and he’s on death row as we speak. What are you in for?
88267: Pædophobia. Twenty years.
103552: What the? You’re a child-molester!
88267: No, pædophobia: the word, you’d think, would mean “an irrational dread of children”, but it’s used to mean “hater of pædophiles”.
103552: Wow! Did you kill one, then?
88267: No, I wrote on my website that I didn’t think old adults should be allowed to marry young minors.
103552: No wonder you’re in the protected section of the prison—
Guard: Oy, you, Peddo. Time’s up. Stop talking to normal prisoners, and get your bigoted arse back in your cell.
88267: Ah, well, at least the heroin supplied by the canteen is good and cheap…
