all right

Occasionally adding corroborative details to add verisimilitude to otherwise bald and unconvincing,
but veridicous accounts
with careful attention, indefatigable assiduity, and nice discrimination.
Showing posts with label climate change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label climate change. Show all posts

01 September, 2014

ad Kalendas Graecas

The First of September
 
It is not Spring yet
despite silly date-watchers
who say so.  I bet

the awarmist set
will grab any suppos’d rise
in warmth it can get.


We should never let
lying, self-serving scammers
persuade us to fret:

whether dry or wet,
raisin’ fears—and fees!—on change
is their raison d’être.

03 June, 2014

If Other Experts Were as Qualified as “Climate-Change Scientists”

On the ABC’s “QandA” an awarmist, scamming cretin, Bahareh Sarah Howard*, asked Sen. Cory Bernardi a stupid question:
Senator Bernardi, last week you said it was “good news” that the Federal budget had abolished the Australian Renewable Energy Agency and that the government was “still committed to abolishing the Climate Change Authority and the Clean Energy Finance Corporation”.  As a researcher in climate change and renewable energy, I presume that when your car mechanic, your dentist, or your plumber tells you there is something wrong with your car, your teeth, or your pipes, you listen and act.  Why is it that you ignore the advice of climate change experts, from every corner of this planet who are urging us that climate is changing and we must act to reduce CO2 emissions now?  Australia is per capita the largest emitter in the world.
The silly cultist and aspiring hierophant fails to recognise that, currently, car mechanics, dentists and plumbers don’t duplicitously predicate their remedies on a scamming, self-serving, pseudo-scientific conjecture.  We may, however, imagine what a wonderful world it would be if tradesmen, medical specialists and various other experts were as qualified and as proficient as she and her fellow hoaxers:–

Visiting the new-age car mechanic:

Mechanic:  How may I help you?
Customer:  My car just needs a tune-up, I think.


Mechanic: Ho! So you think you’re the expert, eh?


Customer: No, I just—
Mechanic: We’re the experts here; now, your car obviously needs a new, non-polluting electric engine and, of course, a nice new, non-polluting, heavy battery will just fit into your boot very snugly.


Customer: How much will that cost? And where am I going to put the family’s luggage when we go on holiday if you put a great big battery—which is surely not as non-polluting as you say—in the boot?
Mechanic: First, apart from a few charges, imposts, dues, tariffs and levies, and a series of weekly payments, the engine is completely free—


Customer: Free?


Mechanic: Courtesy of the taxpayer, through the engine-change levy and the renewable energy subsidisation tax; and, as for holidays, you ought to know by now that going on holidays is very bad for the planet, so don’t.


Customer: But I can see from all the photos around this garage that you regularly fly overseas for—


Mechanic: That’s different.
Customer: How?


Mechanic: It just is.


Customer: Well, I don’t want to insult you or anything but are you a qualified tradesman?
Mechanic: Of course; I have an associate diploma in automotive studies from the Australian Climate Institute.


Customer: Right, well, I think I’ll drive away and have the car fixed later. You see, it wasn’t anything urgent—


Mechanic: Too late, under provisions of the engine-change legislation I’ve had to seize your vehicle and we’ve already started replacing your old, wicked, fossil-fuel engine.  Trust me, I’m a automotive-change expert.
Visiting the new-age dentist: 
Dentist: Before we begin, just sign these consent forms here, here and here.  Good, well done.  Now, what seems to be your problem? 
Customer:  My upper left premolar smarts, and I think it could do with a filling.  All my other teeth, thank heavens, are fine.

 
Dentist:  Ah, yes, they must be removed.

 
Customer:  They? 
Dentist:  Yes, all of them. 
Customer:  Don’t you need to take an X-ray or something first? 
Dentist:  No, modern dental-change science is beyond nasty, ancient and dangerous techniques now.  I’ll just ring the nurse and she’ll take you and your forms to the dental-change facility.

 
Customer:  Hell, what did I just sign?

 
Dentist:  This is permission to hold you in detention for six months on an anascorbic diet; that one’s garnisheeing your wages for the next fifty years; and that one’s subscribing to a monthly recipe service for nutritious vegetable smoothies.

 
Customer:  Hey, what?  What, what’s an anascorbic diet when it’s home?

 
Dentist:  Well, we remove Vitamin C from your diet so that you develop a therapeutic form of scurvy, which allows all your diseased teeth to fall out naturally and relatively painlessly.  Then, if you recover, you’ll enjoy for the rest of your days slurping nutritious vegetable smoothies or soups without ever having to chew like a beast of the field ever again.

 
Customer:  What about false teeth?  What if I want to eat a steak?

 
DentistAll teeth (97% of dental-change scientists agree) are bad for the planet, and so is eating meat:  it’s murder. 
Customer:  Look, are you a qualified dentist? 
Dentist:  Of course; I have an Bachelor of Arts in Dental Studies from Swinburne. 
Customer:  Who were your teachers there? 
Dentist:  An accountant, an archæologist and a career politician.

 
Customer:  Look, I think I want a second opinion. 
Dentist:  Too late.  The science is settled and, anyway, you’ve signed all the forms already.  Bye.  Take him away, nurse.  Next!
 A visit from the new-age plumber: 
Plumber:  Here I am at last. 
Customer:  Good, there seems to be a leaking pipe somewhere, because our garage has been flooded for the last couple of—

 
Plumber:  Wait, I’m the plumbing-change expert; I tell you what’s wrong. 
Customer:  Plumbing-change expert?  So you’re not an actual plumber with a trade certificate? 
Plumber:  Ah, far better than than that, I have a masters degree—in the media’s acceptance of global plumbing change.

 
Customer:  So you’ve studied the history of plumbing rather than learn how to mend broken pipes and such? 
Plumber:  Who said anything about history?  We studied models at the Institute for Plumbing Change!


Customer
:  Okay, so how will you mend my pipes?
Plumber:  Mend them?  I’ll get a team of young migrants to pop by in a few weeks and they’ll tear out all the current plumbing and install new stuff.

 
Customer: Why? 
Plumber: Well, just looking at this sink here I can tell you that it has to go. 
Customer:  Why? 
Plumber:  It’s made of stainless steel, you fool!  Do you know how wicked it is to source the components of a stainless steel sink?  My god, man, it even has carbon in it! 
Customer:  I should have thought you’d support a carbon sink.  No?  Anyway, you’ll replace it with ceramic or plastic—

 
Plumber:  Ceramic? Plastic? What are you, a lobbyist for the evil mining or fossil-fuel industries?  Wood, man; the sinks, basins, pipes, sewers and all the rest must be replaced by ethically-sourced, sustainably-harvested wood products.

 
Customer:  Wooden products?  How will they last?  Stainless steel is used precisely because it doesn’t corrode, and the same goes for plastic pipes; what will stop the wood rotting? 
Plumber:  Since you’re so bloody well-educated, can’t you think of anything else which doesn’t corrode? 
Customer:  Don’t tell me that wooden pipes will be gold-plated? 
Plumber:  Ethically-sourced, of course.  Look, trust me:  I’m a plumbing change expert.
who intends to “develop scenarios to determine carbon dioxide emissions involved in the transition to a 100 per cent renewable energy sector in Australia and the world”, whose “passion is in social and environmental entrepreneurship, which has the potential to have a broader, multidisciplinary positive impact on the global level.”  Ah, yes, researchers no longer have boring old interests or specialities but, being so unscientific, irrational, eager and fervid, they have passions.
†  a lie:  see “Australia the Highest Emitter of Carbon Dioxide?” at Impact of Climate Change.

UPDATE:  see also by “Dean, King, Krauss and Bernardi on Q and A” by Matt Hayden.

04 October, 2013

Comedian Confesses to “Climate Clive” Con

A Western Australian comedian, Matt Hayden, has finally confessed that he had been pretending to be, between stand-up gigs, a deranged believer in the debunked, pseudo-scientific conjecture of Catastrophic Anthropogenic Global Warming.  Under his assumed identity of “Prof. Clive Hamilton”, Mr. Hayden finessed a professorship of Public Ethics at the Centre for Applied Philosophy and Public Ethics; he also persuaded the previous federal government to appoint him to the board of the Climate Change Authority; he is the founder and former Executive Director of the The Australia Institute; and he was even appointed a Member of the Order of Australia for “service to public debate and policy development, particularly in the fields of climate change, sustainability and societal trends”.
Mr. Hayden admitted that, for the last fifteen years, he had made increasing sillier statements in support of neurotic, totalitarian responses to the non-problem of global warming in the hope that the escalating idiocy of his statements—rising in alarmist hysteria as the supposedly dangerous rise of a posited “average global temperature” actually slowed to a stop—would make the gullible believers of that foolish, conjecture rethink their adherence to an irrational, misanthropic, neo-Luddite, neo-Malthusian, catastropharian cult.
“Unfortunately,” he said, “even my most ridiculous, sarcastic and, frankly, immoral utterances have been reported as sensible comments by our sloppy, fawning, unthinking journalists.  No matter how over the top I spewed idiocy—such as, for example, when I suggested that all who doubt the most alarmist claims of global-warming doom should have ‘denier’ tattooed on their foreheads, or that scientists who correctly explain that science has never depended on a consensus should be executed, or that anyone who opposes my corrupt colleagues must be a paid stooge of a wicked cabal of deliberately destructive oil companies—the unprofessional, bootlicking morons in the mainstream media have just lapped up my extremist, hypocritical crap and demanded more.  I’ve had enough of feigning such stupidity.  It’s been a lark (and a very profitable one) but, sadly, too few people in the media can spot satirical parody.”
Mr. Hayden apologised both to the people deceived by his ruse and to the taxpayers whom the arrogant “Prof. Hamilton” has been defrauding as well as calumniating for so long.

29 November, 2012

Are the Government’s Ministers Stupid?

Some Questions Answered

Are the government’s
ministers really stupid?
No, they are lying

in order to take
money from us and, they claim,
to stop us frying

from man-made global
warmth (though that very silly
conjecture’s dying

from an utter lack
of evidence—which doesn’t
stop the greens crying

that “carbon” must doom
the world).  Is weather worse?  No,
the gods are sighing.

UPDATE I:

Some Questions Are Left Alone

Julia Gillard
it seems, was a lazy, inept lawyer
but she never shirked

shagging thick, married
men who could help her climb to
the top; and it worked:

she still can’t tell right
from wrong, but she’s now the one
who gets to decide

(for her compliant
press) whether she and her mates
told the truth or lied.


The Power of Exes

Doctor Emerson
can read the PM’s mind!  He
says her true recall

of facts from twenty
years ago, though imperfect,
fully explains all:

she did nothing wrong,
he shrieks (and hereon you may
put great reliance),

for
always she was
only following orders
from wicked clients.


Try This Defence in Court

“I did nothing wrong,
and you can’t prove a thing; you
have my guarantees!

asserts the PM;
and her crooked ex-leman,
Bruce Wilson, agrees.  

Try saying in court,
“I acted as clients bade,
and I charged no fees

and can remember
no crime; I’m innocent, as
everyone sees!”

Would the day come soon
when she appears in court and
makes similar pleas. 

UPDATE II:

Past and Present

Julia Gillard
is as duplicitous now
as she was back then;

as crooked as her
many lies, and as rotten
as her taste in men.


Was she, perhaps, a
conned, guiltless victim?  No, it’s
too hard to believe

she was innocent

or that she was ever quite
so “young and naïve”. 


Anyway, a Possible Explanation

With such a record
of incompetence why won’t
Gillard get the boot?

She’d have much dirt on
colleagues or, perhaps, she was
a really good root.

Incriminating
documents would persuade her
cronies to stay mute

and, of course, many 
lucripetous lackeys wish
to share in the loot. 

UPDATE III (7 April, 2013):

Yeah, Trashing Marriages Doesn’t Make the PM a Trasher*
 

Even though she’s wrecked
marriages, she’s no wrecker;
“she hasn’t the looks”!

Right, appearances
are all. Let’s spurn the old saws
of covers and books.

Likewise, we’ll suppose
Gillard’s cronies are honest:
they don’t seem like crooks.



Appeti Est Percipi

The world is teeming

with unreason; we’re now in

the Age of Seeming:
 

from “climate change” to

the PM’s cleverness, true

believers believe:

no evidence will


change their set minds; it is as

if they are dreaming

that only they can


save the world, so facts are not

welcome; data grieve

them; they shut eyes and


ears to troublesome facts, and

feel it blaspheming

to mention what’s true.


Thus, Gillard’s toadies shout she

was young and naïve

when the thirty-two


year-old law-firm partner was

involved in scheming

to defraud and thieve.


Their reality is what

they want to perceive.

UPDATE III:  in response to public demand I removed a picture of the PM in favour of this:


*  originally posted as a comment at Catallaxy Files.
†  also originally posted, in a slightly different form, as a comment at Catallaxy Files.

19 March, 2012

A Land of Severer Severities

Unless We Tax Our Air 

No coolth within, no rain without,
Will Steffen ever has no doubt:
a long dry spell could soon spell drought
unless we tax our air.

At last, however, ceaseless rain
would flood each dusty, wide, brown plain
and some would not see land again
unless we tax our air.

Whatever happens, he will say,
might expedite a dismal day
of floods or droughts or much dismay
unless we tax our air.

Consensus and authorities
agree with him, and he agrees
with them that none would be at ease
unless we tax our air.

All Steffen’s chums have guaranteed
more “greenhouse” gases antecede
great warming (which may come with speed)
unless we tax our air.

In warmists’ wild imaginings
some slightly warmer weather brings
severer storms and spooky things
unless we tax our air.

Severer the severities,
among eternal verities,
there will be no prosperities
unless we tax our air.

Will Steffen is a man of clout
so we must heed each mighty shout:
“Floods might cause floods, drought could bring drought,
unless we tax our air!”

Prof. Will Steffen, a silly, duplicitous fellow, but a Climate Commissioner, asserts that, “Extended dry periods are expected to increase in southwest and southeast Australia by the end of this century, increasing the risk of drought.”  See “Droughts May Lead to Droughts”.

UPDATE I:  added what are now the fifth and sixth stanzas. 

UPDATE II:  added this:

They claim it’s from a peer-review:
there is but one thing we can do
to save us from the C-O-2
which dissipates from stack or flue
and wickedly turns skies into
a dreadful, sickly, evil hue,
and leaves a nasty residue
which makes each fluffy kitten spew
or forces herbivores to chew
on cuddly bunnies; far too few
have recognised what must ensue
if we don’t pay attention to
Will Steffen and his crazy crew
(such as his boss, the Flamster, who
predicted ruin, overdue,
for cities which would have to queue
for drinking water—quite untrue);
they ever seek more revenue
and try to make each person rue
the day one lit a barbecue
or drove a car or rode or flew
towards a far-off rendezvous);
they say that mankind’s down the loo—
in other words, we’re in deep poo—
unless we tax our air.

UPDATE III: added what is now the seventh stanza.

UPDATE IV (14 July, 2013):  see “A Change Is in the Air”.

27 February, 2012

Another Miscellany

See “Opinion Disguised as Science”, by Donna Laframboise, at No Frakking Consensus:
Not for one moment does anyone think it is the role of a handwriting expert to decide whether the accused is guilty. That is the job of the judge and the jury—after listening to a variety of experts, some of whom will no doubt contradict (and cast doubt on) each other’s opinions.
Although the pathologist who performed the autopsy may have private views about an accused murderer’s guilt or innocence we all understand that it would be inappropriate for that medical professional to voice those views within the courtroom—and doubly inappropriate to do so outside of it.
Yet when it comes to climate, everything gets turned on its head.  People with a narrow specialty (in water resources, for example) nevertheless regard themselves as full-fledged “climate experts.”  Taking on the role of judge and jury, they imagine that an understanding of their small piece of the puzzle translates into firm knowledge of the far more complicated big-picture.  They proclaim that multiple lines of evidence all point to the same conclusion—even though they themselves don’t possess the expertise to evaluate the merits of these other lines of evidence.
Also at No Frakking Consensus, see Peter Gleick—Then and Now.

See “Fakegate: Global Warmists Try to Hide the Decline”, by Robert Tracinski, at Skeptic’s Corner:
Fakegate shows us, with the precision of a scientific experiment, several key truths about the global warming movement.  It shows that most warmists, both the scientists and the journalists, will embrace any claim that seems to bolster their cause, without bothering to check the facts or subject them to rigorous investigation.  (Anthony Watts notes how few journalists bothered to contact him before reporting the claims about him that are made in the fake memo.)  And it shows us that warmists like Gleick have no compunction about falsifying information to promote their agenda, and that many other warmists are willing to serve as accomplices after the fact, excusing Gleick's fraud on the grounds that he was acting in a “noble cause.”  It shows us that “hide the decline” dishonesty is a deeply ingrained part of the corporate culture of the global warming movement.
Gleick wasn’t just an obscure, rogue operator in the climate debate.  Before his exposure, his stock in trade was lecturing on “scientific integrity,” and until a few days ago he was the chairman of the American Geophysical Union's Task Force on Scientific Ethics.  So this scandal goes to the very top of the global warming establishment, and it compels honest observers to ask:  if the warmists were willing to deceive us on this, what else have they been deceiving us about?
Between Climategate and Fakegate, the warmist establishment now has zero credibility, and we must call all of their claims into question.
See “Climate-Change Alarmism: Fuelled by Fantasy”, by Ben Pile, at Spiked Online: 
What concerns this sceptic when it comes to that kind of climate alarmism and the bizarre politics it produces, is the possibility that all too often stories precede science.  There is a widespread idea that there are actual and robust measurements of polar bear populations, the extent of glaciers, the rate of sea-level rise, and the extent of polar sea ice.  But in each of these cases, closer examination of the available evidence reveals the role of guesswork in the estimation of these ‘indicators’ of climate change and its effects.  Worse still, perhaps, is the possibility that these ‘indicators’ are presupposed to be in decline for no other reason than the truism ‘climate change is happening’.
Once you presuppose that climate change is happening, it doesn’t take a leap of faith to incorporate the assumption into models to estimate the health of polar bear populations, the progress of glaciers, and the vulnerability of Arctic sea ice.  There were no data showing polar bears and Himalayan glaciers to be in terminal decline.  Even measurements of Arctic sea ice only extend back to 1979.  And so knowledge which is patchy, based on sparse data, estimates and guesswork is fitted into an encompassing storyline of climate change.  Really, they ought to remain disconnected stories, at least until more robust studies can show otherwise.
The most extreme conditions on the planet are naturally the least accessible and therefore the least understood.  Such regions aren’t simply distant; our primary access to them is through the imagination.  It is no coincidence, then, that stories about climate change seem to be located at the hottest, highest, deepest and coldest parts of the world.  The most alarming stories about climate change rest where there is the least data.  Like explorers in search of Yeti, climate researchers hunt frozen landscapes hoping to make the myth a reality.
See “Why the Climate Skeptics Are Winning” by Steven F. Hayward:
The Gleick episode exposes again a movement that disdains arguing with its critics, choosing demonization over persuasion and debate.  A confident movement would face and crush its critics if its case were unassailable, as it claims.  The climate change fight doesn’t even rise to the level of David and Goliath. Heartland is more like a David fighting a hundred Goliaths.  Yet the serial ineptitude of the climate campaign shows that a tiny David doesn’t need to throw a rock against a Goliath who swings his mighty club and only hits himself square in the forehead.
See “AGW—A Falsified Hypothesis”, by Geoff Brown, at The Climate Sceptics Blog.

See “Fakegate: Can’t Hide This Decline”, by Rand Simber at PJ Media:
For the record, I greatly resent being called a “denier,” with its clear — and fully intended, as the LA Times analogy reveals — connotation to Nazis.  I am a skeptic.  I don’t “deny” AGW, because I don’t have sufficient knowledge of how climate works, or its history, to confidently have a strong opinion about it.  What I do deny is that the proponents of the theory do have such knowledge or competence, and my doubts were buttressed by the release not just of the emails that revealed their duplicitous and unscientific behavior, but of the shoddy and unreplicable climate data sets and models themselves.
So, yes, I guess I am a denier.  Here’s what I deny.
deny that science is a compendium of knowledge to be ladled out to school children like government-approved pablum (and particularly malnutritious pablum), rather than a systematic method of attaining such knowledge.
deny that skepticism about anthropogenic climate change is epistemologically equivalent to skepticism about evolution, and I resent the implications that if one is skeptical about the former, one must be similarly skeptical about the latter, and “anti-science.”
As someone who has done complex modeling and computer coding myself, I deny that we understand the complex and chaotic interactions of the atmosphere, oceans and solar and other inputs sufficiently to model them with any confidence into the future, and I deny that it is unreasonable and unscientific to think that those who believe they do have such understanding suffer from hubris.  To paraphrase Carl Sagan, extraordinary policy prescriptions require extraordinary evidence.
On a different note, see “Arrested without Evidence over Accusation of Gun Ownership” at Shall Mot Be Questioned:
There’s a story out of Canada about a guy who was arrested and told by officers that he was being charged with possession of a firearm.  Normally, you would expect this to happen after they found someone in possession of a firearm.
He was given an attorney who was informed of the charges and even had a date set with a judge for a bail hearing for this charge.  At no point did he ever possess a firearm, but they kept him locked up and moved forward with the charges.
With his wife hauled down to the station and his children taken in for questioning by the relevant agency for possible endangerment issues, he signed a document that allowed police to search his home.  They did and there was still no firearm found in his possession.  Finally, they let him go free.
The evidence seems to come from a he said/she said scenario because his 4-year-old daughter drew a picture of a firearm and said the guy holding it was her daddy who would fight off bad guys and monsters.  Yes, a child who thinks monsters are real was used as evidence for the arrest instead of, you know, actual possession of a firearm.
See “Lower than Pond Scum” by Alan Caruba:
On Thursday, February 23, President Barack Obama was on the UM campus to tell the biggest bunch of lies about energy in America I have heard compressed into a single speech.
This President has already set records wasting taxpayer’s money on a range of so-called clean energy and renewable energy “investments”.  Solyndra, the solar panel company that went bust and stuck taxpayers with a half-billion in loan guarantees is just one of those “investments” and I keep waiting for someone to ask why public funds are being flushed down the toilet when, if the companies involved were viable, they could not raise private venture capital?  [...]
All politicians put the best face on their pet projects, but to flat-out lie about one of the most idiotic ideas to replace oil when this nation has enough oil, domestically and offshore, known and estimated to exist, defies the imagination.  It is an insult to every one of us.  And Obama wants to pump $14 million into algae, otherwise known as pond scum.  [...]
Barack Obama has been lying about so many things for so long I doubt he even knows when he is lying or even cares.  It’s not enough to dismiss this saying that all politicians lie because many do not.  Some in Congress right now are desperately trying to get the public in general and voters in particular to understand that America has more debt per capita than Greece.  We are on the precipice of financial collapse and Barack Obama just wants to spend more and more and more; some of it on pond scum.  [...]
This is the same President who stopped the building of the Keystone XL pipeline from Canada that would provide more oil for our refineries and not cost the American taxpayer one penny to build.  This is the same President who imposed a moratorium on oil from the Gulf of Mexico even after the courts told him to remove it.  It caused the loss of an estimated 12,000 jobs while rigs departed for Cuba, Brazil and Mexico.
Between now and November, the President will be out campaigning and telling the same lies.  The rise in the cost of oil isn’t just a seasonal thing though prices have usually gone up in the summertime when people travel more for vacations.  It’s up because the Iranians are closing in on making their own nuclear weapons and their own missiles to hit, not just Israel, but the U.S.  It’s up because it is essential to ensure that the tankers oil-producing nations around the Persian Gulf can enter and exist it via the Strait of Harmuz.

The world isn’t running out of oil and is not about to run out.  The Earth floats on an ocean of oil despite the rising demand from Asia and other developing nations.  To replace foreign oil with algae-based fuel would require a chemically-controlled tank the size of the State of Colorado, about 69.3 million acres.
An Ohio woman who compared animal-welfare work to the liberation of World War II concentration camps has been charged with soliciting a hit man to fatally shoot or slit the throat of a random fur-wearer, federal authorities said.