all right

Occasionally adding corroborative details to add verisimilitude to otherwise bald and unconvincing,
but veridicous accounts
with careful attention, indefatigable assiduity, and nice discrimination.

21 February, 2013

Famed Negotiating Skills

In a carpet warehouse, two customers enter and, almost immediately, one spots an expensive but attractive Persian carpet.

Dr. BandtOh, my lord Lenin, that is the most beautiful carpet I have ever seen!  I must have it
Sen. Milne:  Quiet, fool!  No mills!  They won’t give you a great deal if you look too eager.  The marked price is $1,500; let’s try to get it down to $1,450 or so.
Dr. Bandt:  Oh, but I want it, even if it might not immediately facilitate the free development of the class struggle in the rural districts.  I’ll pay anything to have it!
Mr. Wilkie:  Heriz an easy sale, Julia.  Qom, you take it:  that boy looks as if he’s in love with that rug.
Ms Gillard:  Ahar, sir, would you be interested in this lovely carpet?  What’s our price? $1,500?  I can do a bit better than that, I assure you.
Dr. Bandt:  I’ll take it, though the workers can obtain real political education only in the course of a sustained, consistent, all-out struggle of proletarian influences, aspirations and trends against bourgeois influences, aspirations and trends!  Not even Trotsky will deny that this is a lovely rug.
Ms Gillard:  How about I mark it down to, um, to … a thousand?
Dr. Bandt:  Only two thousand dollars?  I’ll take it!
Ms Gillard:  No, one thousand—by which I mean, of course, $850, Kashan hand.
Sen. Milne:   Hang on a tick, what else will you give us with this carpet?  We shan’t pay any more than $1,450.
Dr. Bandt:  I’ll take it!
Ms Gillard:  Look, I can’t go below $750, but I can throw in a few committees—
Dr. Bandt:  Yes, yes!  I’ll take it!  After all, the democratic system is a feature of bourgeois society
Sen. Milne:   No, this rug looks a little worn.  Though there are rugs all over the room, I’m sure I can see some flaw.  What else can you offer
Ms Gillard:  All right, $500, and automatic upgrades to first class on all travel within Australia and some overseas “fact-finding” excursions.
Sen. Milne:   Come, you don’t represent the people of Australia as well as the Australian Greens do, with our consistent polling of well over ten per cent.  We don’t like it all that much.
Dr. Bandt:  I do, I do like it; I love it!  Damn!
Sen. Milne:   Quiet, you!  No damns.  Look, you can go a little lower, surely.
Ms Gillard:  All right, I’ll give you ten bucks if you take it away, and I’ll throw in an inutile tax on a trace gas essential to life, predicated on a pseudo-scientific scam, and—
Sen. Milne:   Only if you provide free delivery
Ms Gillard:  Done!  

[After quickly completing some paperwork, Bandt and Milne exeunt, skipping.]
Mr. WilkieSo, make a good sale?  They seemed pretty pleased.
Ms  GillardI’m a great negotiator.*  Now, what can I give you, Andrew?
Mr. WilkieWell, Tony Abbott has already offered a thousand million dollars for this dingy, old rug-shop—
Ms GillardHow about a quarter of that, but I’ll throw in a promise not to gamble, a promise to have a surplus, somehow, and I’ll break my promise not to tax carbon dioxide?
Mr. WilkieDone.

The Prime Minister of Australia, Hon. Julia Gillard, is, according to her many sycophants and lackeys, a wonderful negotiator.  Following the last election, which resulted in a hung parliament, Ms Gillard sought support from independent members of the House of Representatives to form a minority governmentDr. Adam Bandt, the newly elected member for the seat of Melbourne, and sole member of the Australian Greens in the lower house, had already stated, on election night, that he would support only a Labor Gillard government and would never support any government led by the Opposition Leader, Hon. Tony Abbott; nonetheless, the PM entered into negotiations with the Australian Greens in order to enlist their support for her forming a government wherein, inter alia, she promised to introduce the “carbon” tax which she had earlier explicitly undertaken not to introduce.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Deadman, your blog is a pearl amongst oysters. However I disagree with the premise that Jillard promised the Greens that she would introduce a carbon tax to gain their parliamentary support.

No. The carbon tax lie is all Jillard's own massive incompetence as usual.

Since she had promised during the election campaign not to introduce the tax, the Greens could not rationally expect her to deliver this as part of whatever faustian bargain they were signing.

The fact is she was sucked into it by the media.

As I recollect, Jillard was going through a period of being repeatedly criticised in the media for not having enough 'vision', or 'commitment' or some such drivel that the papers and their hacks regularly bang on about.

Voila, two weeks later the carbon tax was announced. The imbecile was committed alright, so to speak.Probably as a woman, she thought the lie could be passed off as just a light hearted fib that any woman would normally get away with, forgetting that she was actually the PM for a minute.

The Greens are innocent of this particular crime in my opinion.