ABC Radio today released this notice:
It is with deep sadness and not a little relief that ABC Radio announces that Robyn Williams is dead.
We had thought that he might have been in decline for some time as his Science Show, once a deservedly renowned, cutting-edge presentation of scientific debates and discussions of modern discoveries, had become in recent times, too often, merely a regular quasi-religious rant from Williams on the perils of catastrophic anthropogenic global warming—a pseudo-scientific fraud. Revelation came to us recently after he presented yet another biassed show featuring his silly mate, the perpetually wrong-headed, doom-predicting, arch-nitwit Tim Flannery—who dilated on his expectation that, any day now, the earth would be revealed to be the physical manifestation of the Ancient Greek goddess Gaia—then, shortly afterwards, Williams followed that broadcast with a semi-literate scrawl on The Drum suggesting that, among other idiocies, the world will soon be ‘globalised’.
Robyn Williams will be remembered as a man who, at least for a while, years ago, exemplified in his reports the best of ABC Radio presentations. He will be sadly missed.
An insider at ABC Radio, speaking anonymously, revealed further details:
This news does not come as a surprise. Many have suspected for several years that there was something seriously amiss with Robyn Williams and, employing Occam’s razor, some of us reasoned long ago that he was actually dead. The fellows around the office have even had a book on this for some time. In fact, some of us believed that Robyn Williams’ skull might have contained, instead of a decomposing brain, a colony of ants. After all, even that fatuous fathead, Tony Jones, and other official spruikers for AGW within the ABC were disconcerted by his odd claim that the seas would soon rise by one hundred meters when other shrill, pseudo-scientific shills for the global-warming collective have prophesied that the seas may rise a few centimeters over this century.
The final straw came the other day, when ‘Robyn’ announced that his next show would consist entirely of an exegesis of The Protocols of Zion, as interpreted by his favourite astrologer, which would prove that the Israeli Government was responsible for global warming. Even for the ABC, a known haunt of crazed Jew-haters and irrational conspiracy-theorists, this was too much; senior programmers suggested to ‘Robyn’ that he undergo a medical test to prove that he was in fact alive and not a reanimated corpse. Unfortunately, the remains of Robyn Williams then savagely attacked the programmers, and attempted to eat their brains. Fortunately, senior programmers at the ABC are notorious for their lack of brains, and they escaped relatively unscathed; but the enraged corpse of Williams then leapt from a window, breaking several limbs and losing his head in the process, and was last seen stumbling away towards a Scientology centre. For several hours, however, the head remained on the car-park, announcing certain doom for mankind unless the West raised huge, punitive taxes on everything and committed to eliminating all industries. It was all very upsetting to his former friends and colleagues.
We too, here at “All Right, All Right”, offer our sincere condolences to the friends and family of the late Robyn Williams.