Deadly Poisonous Creatures: a Brief Tragedy

Encountering Venomous Frogs and Poisonous Octopus*

Chorus:  Behold! Australia, great southern land,
          but bloody danger-filled, you understand.
          Here be an ocean beach, a tourist trap:
          a pleasant place, but ripe for some mishap.

[Two holidaying men are lying on the sand of an Australian beach.  Despite weeks of lazing in the sun, both men are pale.]

Bruce:  My skin itches; a drowsy numbness pains 

          my limbs, as though in thistles I had rolled:

          attacked I was by fierce, venomous frogs.

          The vicious things were crazed and sans remorse!
          Wherefore, I ask, doth this odd, fearsome land
          allow within these foul amphibians?

Kev:  That’s nothing.  I was just nibbling on some

          of this supposedly fine octopus—
          and after countless sennights carefully
          avoiding scary, local fauna, note—

          but ’twas not safe, ’twas poisonous!  Therefore,

          I go, quite peeved, to everlasting rest,

          and shake the taste of indigestible,

          world-wearying flesh.  Mine eyes, look your last.

[Both men expire.] 

Chorus:  Envenomed toads and frogs and cobs and snakes
          and fish and also centipedes oft doom
          such men—and poisonous molluscs withal.
          Beware, who seek antipodean thrill:
          for nearly anything you meet can kill. 
Echo & Reverb:  Can kill, can kill, can kill. 

* from The People’s Therapist:  “A friend of mine recently returned from Australia.  He was amazed to find nearly every living creature that walks, swims or crawls Down Under can turn out to be deadly poisonous.  It was incredible, he said – they had venomous toads and frogs and spiders and fish and snakes and centipedes and jellyfish and even a poisonous octopus.  Just about anything you met could end up killing you.”

Australia also contains numerous creatures (such as sharks, crocodiles, and the occasional infuriated wombat, peeved poteroo or manic bandicoot) which can kill without the aid of toxins.  Despite the multiplicity of lethal beasts, strange to relate, very few Australians are slaughtered by animals.