Two Heartening Exhortations

On Facebook, and on other “social media”, people often post, repost and re-repost all sorts of encouraging axioms and other droll examples of wisdom; here are two recent examples:

How wise!  Consider, then, a consequent situation: 

In a grimy, urban garage in a large, formerly well-developed but increasingly decrepit city, a masked youth approaches a mechanic, lounging against a wall covered in painted and printed slogans. 

Masked Man:  I’m a friend of Mad Mo.  I hear you have some AK-47s you might be able to sell me, and ammunition, and stuff.

Mechanic:  Uh-huh.

Masked Man:  I could do with some guns and ammo, see, because right now there’s a convention of Jewish oil-men in a hotel in town—one owned by Jews, by the way—and I’d like, y’know, to shoot them.

Mechanic:  Are you sure you want to do that?  Would that be a wise or good thing to do?

Masked Man:  What are you?  A critic?  The world has plenty of critics already.  You should be an encourager.  Look, you have a poster saying so.

Mechanic:  True.  Sorry.  Right, I encourage you to run through all that again; how might I help you?

Masked Man:  If you have the power to make someone happy, you should do it.  The world needs more of that.  It would make me happy to kill quite a few Jews, and did I mention that it’s a convention of gay Jews?  It is.  Very gay and very Jewish.  And they’re climate-deniers.  Making profits from fossil-fuels, y’know.

Mechanic:  All right, I’ll grab you a couple of AKs and a back-pack of ammo.

Masked Man:  It would make me very happy indeed if you would arm me to the teeth at a considerable discount.

Mechanic:  Well, if it will make you happy.  Would you be happy if I threw in armour-piercing rounds and a reloadable RPG with a sixpack?

Masked Man:  Very happy indeed. 

Mechanic:  All right then, will do.