all right

Occasionally adding corroborative details to add verisimilitude to otherwise bald and unconvincing,
but veridicous accounts
with careful attention, indefatigable assiduity, and nice discrimination.

12 September, 2013

Preparing for a Knifing

A transcript of the future.

At home, in the wee hours of the morning, Bill Shorten rings a parliamentary colleague:-
Unidentified Caucus Member:  Huh? Do you know what time it is? It’s—hell!—it’s two-sodding-thirty-effen-two in the bloody morning!
Bill Shorten:  Yeah, I needed to know the time, but my watch is broken! Hello … hello?  Comrade?  That was a joke.
Unidentified Caucus Member:  Um, who is this?
Bill Shorten:  Bill, mate, Bill Shorten.
Unidentified Caucus Member:  Oh, faark.  What do you want, Shorten?
Bill Shorten:  I’m ringing around to see whether I should move against the Opposition Leader, yeah, and discover what sort of backing I might have.  I might have to sharpen the old knife again.
Unidentified Caucus Member: Hang on, what?
Bill Shorten:  I was thinking of moving against the Opposition Leader, and wondering whether I could count on your support, mate.  For a challenge.  Are you there?
Unidentified Caucus Member:  Um, Bill, you are the bloody Opposition Leader!
Bill Shorten:  I know; but can I be trusted?


Later that evening being interviewed on Lateline:-
Tony Jones:  There’s been talk around Canberra today that elements within the federal ALP caucus are unhappy with the current leadership—
Bill Shorten: Well, I know that I’ve heard absolutely nothing about that; but I do know this, that Mr. Abbott will cut, cut cut, and slash, slash, slash, and knife, knife, knife, and stab, stab, stab, and hack, hack, hack, and gash, gash, gash, and, um, impale, and, uh, lacerate…  Anyway, I must say, Tony, that I know that the Opposition Leader has a tough job—a very tough job—and I agree with everything and whatever our leader has said, absolutely at all times and without question—
Tony Jones:  Everything?
Bill Shorten:   And whatever.  But I know this:  Abbott can’t be trusted.  He will slice, slice, slice—
Tony Jones:  Ah, I put it to you, Bill Shorten, that you are the Opposition Leader—
Bill Shorten:  Well, yes, yes I am.
Tony Jones:  —so, you are saying that you agree with everything you have said?
Bill Shorten:  Everything!
Tony Jones:  Without, it seems, without even hearing what you’ve said?
Bill Shorten:  If that’s what I said, yes.
Tony JonesRight.  Ah, well, right.  Yup.  Well, Bill Shorten, we’re out of time, I’m afraid.  We’ll have to leave you there.  We thank you very much for taking the time to come in and talk to us tonight.
Bill Shorten:  Thank you.
Tony JonesThat was the agreeable Bill Shorten, Opposition Leader, agreeing with his leader.

UPDATE II (13 September):  thanks to Wikileaks, we can read an assessment of Bill Shorten from the USA’s Embassy in Australia.

UPDATE III (13 September):

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